So now we wait...
Something I've grown to love and trust is going to betray me tonight. Like the woman you're truly in love with cheating on you without an ounce of remorse. It's takes you by surprise. It makes you do things against your wishes out of sheer disbelief that this betrayal could be happening. I've grown smarter today, and tonight I come prepared.
As has happened almost every night, a point in time will come when my body attempts to sabotage this life changing event. It's ruthless in the stops it pulls. It wants to scare you, and it learns when you give in. It learns how to manipulate you. And so far, despite all the good parts of this so far, it's won. Let me be clear, as I understand now... I may be completely at square one... or wait... I could be back FURTHER than square one based on where I haven't been strong so far... and like forming an addiction, every failure to do the right thing solidifies the wrong thing within me. It sounds so melodramatic. Had I read these words yesterday I would have rolled my eyes. But it's more clear now. There are people who have tried polyphasic sleep, and failed, enough times that it gets impossibly difficult to succeed.
Today starts day 5, a day that would forever mark the end of the acclimation period. A day that should be a celebration. And yet, it may as well be Day 0.
However... today marks something else significant. It marks the start of war. I can't believe I didn't see this logic before. When I spent a few years in the role of a parent, as cruel as it initially sounds, I looked forward to the days when the little one misstepped... I was ready for them... life lessons ready to be taught. The day she WOULDN'T behave at Meijer... I was ready to nicely and quietly walk our full cart up to the greeter, and to the little ones absolute horror, explain that we wouldn't be able to purchase our groceries today because we weren't able to behave in the store. It didn't even matter than maybe 1% of the stuff IN that cart was for her... and I had that plan all ready... purely waiting to implement it. Life lessons taught that way, in my belief, are quickly and easily learned. All it cost her was a box of Teddy Grahams. I need to prepare myself and LOOK forward to what my body is going to throw at me. Every bit of fatigue, attempt at narcoleptic sleep, whatever... each presents an OPPORTUNITY for me to teach it... teach it what I want it to learn. Every concession, every compromise... and the lesson is still taught, but exactly the wrong way.
Tonight will be different. Bring it on... I'm ready. It's time to kick some ass.
Stats:
Sleep – 30 minutes. Not as refreshing as the period before, but no trouble getting up. Used pzizz energizer (more on that later) for the first time.
Fatigue – none.
Exercise - 20 minutes on the exercise bike, went well.
4.19 miles
192 calories
33.7 carbs (all records for the 20 min workout if i remember right)
Weight - 256 lbs
Food - Fish Chowder
Mood - Determined
Health - good
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